Why am I always in a bad mood?

Why am I always in a bad mood?

 

We all get emotional, it’s part of being human – possibly one of our more unique traits in fact. It’s normal to feel an emotional response to events as they happen. Unfortunately, I do think we have a tendency to pay less attention to the positive emotions like excitement, joy and happiness. I have my theories about why that might be, but that’s a topic for another day.  

 

On the other hand, we focus very readily on the negative or uncomfortable emotions, to the point of wallowing in them sometimes. We get ‘moody’. 

 

For example who hasn’t stayed there in that feeling of resentment when something hasn’t gone your way? You know, mentally rehashing what went wrong, even reinforcing the feeling by relating the story to others. 

 

What about that hard sting of jealousy when your friend gets the brand new car! And then allowing yourself to relive that feeling every time you see her driving it!! Let it go! 

 

I think the most toxic and damaging way that emotions get the better of us is when we repeatedly slip into the same bad mood over and over again. It’s typically a mood or a state that doesn’t do us any favours, it paints us in a poor light with others and completely disempowers us. 

 

There are three states like this that I focus on with my clients and I’m sure most of us can relate to at least one, if not all of them, at some time or another. 

 

Let me introduce you to them and then I’ll talk about a way to figure out why this might keep happening to you. 

 

BITCH

This is the part of us that is feeling cross, angry, frustrated, grumpy… When we’re in Bitch mode other people will keep their distance if possible. “She got out of bed the wrong side this morning!”

Bitch snarls at the junior in the office because she forgot sugar in the coffee.

Bitch uses put downs when talking to other people.

Bitch loses her rag with the kids at tea-time. 

 

MARTYR

This is the woman who likes to feel needed and always says yes to every request for help, only to find she is totally swamped and never finds time for herself. Then, because she always rejects offers of help, people simply stop offering and this then leaves her feeling resentful.

 

VICTIM

When it feels like ‘nothing goes your way’ and ‘life is just unfair’ and ‘it’s all just so flipping hard’. She feels so sorry for herself, but somehow just can’t muster the energy or decisiveness to take action and make things any better. She may give up on making decisions and defers to the opinions of others. 

 

Now, do you ever see any of those features in yourself – or perhaps in your friends or family members? Some of what I’ve described here may seem quite extreme, but I reckon we all slip into a version of these at some point. The problem is that these states leave us totally disempowered, and if that’s happening repeatedly, the question is why?

 

We need to do a bit of investigative work on ourselves to spot whether there are patterns of recurrent ‘bad behaviour’.  This way we can catch ourselves and realise that we’ve just taken on the persona of Bitch, Martyr or Victim and do something to shake her off. 

 

A process I take my clients through is ‘Trigger Tracking’. The idea is to keep a record of every time you notice yourself triggered into these states and monitor your behaviour, the way it made you feel, and importantly, the impact it had on other people.  We then look at the pre-existing conditions – for example, what else happened that day? Were you really tired? Had you missed lunch? Had you received bad news? Were you pre-menstrual? 

 

We’re not looking for excuses, but if we can spot patterns, perhaps we can put measures in place to help mitigate the effects of these conditions. 

 

The insight we gain about ourselves by doing this process helps us to decide the next steps. Any or all of these can really help:

 

  1. Do some release work with a coach to let go of any beliefs that are feeding into your behaviours. This often takes the form of a mediation process.

     

  2. Make conscious choices about different behaviours. I encourage my clients to get familiar with the 5 Women’s PowerTypes™ (Queen, Lover, Mother, Warrioress and Sorceress) which are much more empowered states to be in than Bitch, Martyr and Victim.  For instance, bringing ‘Mother’ energy to the scenario with the difficult kids proves far more fruitful than staying in nagging Bitch mode!

     

  3. Deal with the underlying needs that you notice are associated with the pre-existing conditions. For example – sleep, stress management, extra support with childcare. Women often fail to meet their basic physical and emotional needs and this catches up with them eventually resulting in the disempowered behaviours we’ve talked about here. 

 

So, we naturally feel emotions both positive and negative every day. Maybe we should pay more attention to enjoying the positive, pleasant feelings. Whilst we can’t fail to notice the negative feelings, let’s try to shrug them off and not allow them to take a grip. 

 

Most importantly, let’s try to find the reasons why we are triggered into those recurrent disempowered states and moods. Let’s gain some insight, spot the patterns and get to grips with how to leverage more empowered states. 

 

If you’re interested in any of the processes I’ve talked about here and would like to find out more about how to work with me, let’s have a chat. It’s free and there’s no obligation to commit further if you find it’s not for you. Book here: https://calendly.com/jobaldwin-coaching/30min

 

If you’d like to find out how to access your PowerTypes™ to banish those disempowering states, I have a great offer for you. Take the online quiz to receive your PowerType™  profile, giving a score for each category, get the full report and then have a 60 minute one to one debrief session with me to fully understand your results and learn how to access each PowerType™ more easily. All this for £99. Click here to access: https://www.subscribepage.com/powertypes 

 

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